NOT: Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I haven't been a fan of Woody Allen's films for a while, and watching Scarlett Johansson 'act' is my worst cinematic nightmare, but hey, things we do for love.

Unfortunately, my fears were realised in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. The dialogue was stiff and affected, particularly from sexually free-spirited artist Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem). Woody, could you have picked a more stereotypical male Latin-lover's name, and what kind of ridiculous things were you making him say?? Scarlett Johansson's unchanging, open-mouthed vacancy and bouncing breasts was the sum of her representation of sexually free-spirited student Cristina (or Vicky? I can't even remember). Her presence in the film moved me from boredom to frustration to giggling at inappropriate times. Rebecca Hall, played her not-sexually free-spirited friend and while she was more believable than SJ, she was still not believable in her sudden passion for Juan Antonio. The only redeeming feature in the film was not the one joke that was supposedly in it (when?) - it was the sun-drenched scenery of Barcelona and Penelope Cruz's turn as madly erratic Maria Elena. I would rather have watched her act around the Casa Mia, La Rambla, Barceloneta and Parc Guell for two hours.